The laws of attraction and transition in The Weekly Rant with Mila Madison

One of the biggest questions a transgender person ponders when they transition is often, “Will my sexual orientation change once I start hormones?” It is almost a right of passage that ranks right up there with “Am I Trans?” Many people only have to come to terms with their sexual orientation once in their lifetime, but for a trans person they may have to figure it all out again. It can be scary, particularly for those who are in a relationship when they begin transition.

“To be honest my being trans always seemed to dwarf my sexual orientation when coming out to people.”

To be honest my being trans always seemed to dwarf my sexual orientation when coming out to people. Don’t get me wrong, to this day it still perplexes me when I tell someone I am trans and they respond with, “I have a cousin who is gay,” or something along those lines. That is when I usually have to explain the difference between sexual orientation and gender. For those who are not in the know, sexual orientation is to whom you are attracted to and gender is who you are. Another words who you sleep with vs. who you sleep as. It is also around this time that I realize I am technically a lesbian.

Being married to a woman all these years, I never really had to delve much into my sexual orientation. If I had to answer real quickly I would have to say I am attracted to women, but that goes against who I am when I really think about it. If my wife were a man, I would certainly still be in love with him. Honestly I would still be attracted to him or her either way. But since we are discussing the topic, let me explore the subject further.

“…as a person who obviously does not conform to society’s binary view of gender, I find it hard to think I would conform to their binary view of orientation as well.”

First, the facts are the ratio of gay, lesbian and bisexual people in the transgender community is exactly proportionate to the rest of society. The truth is that none of us know if our orientation will change as we transition, though it is certainly possible and not uncommon. When thinking about my own orientation I realize that I don’t think about it much because I am involved with someone. But in thinking about it as a person who obviously does not conform to society’s binary view of gender, I find it hard to think I would conform to their binary view of orientation as well. What I can say is that I am able to appreciate the male form much more than I used to before I transitioned.

The laws of attraction and transition in The Weekly Rant with Mila Madison

I would like to think that as trans people; we are more open-minded about our sexual orientation. But much like society we have some people who are homophobic. We have some who could care less about who they are attracted to, and yes, some with no attraction to anyone whatsoever. For me personally, attraction has nothing to do with gender. I am attracted to people. I could have fallen in love with anyone, I just happened to fall for a woman. If that makes me a lesbian, then yay, another group I am part of. I really don’t care about the boxes I get put into. I know I am attracted to people who are more dominant than I am, but I don’t equate that as a character of gender. That role could be filled by a man, woman or someone who is genderfluid. But that is just me and we are all different.

“For those who are transitioning, their partners are also forced to think about their own sexual orientation.”

There is also another side to all this, our partners. For those who are transitioning, their partners are also forced to think about their own sexual orientation. For a lesbian who considers herself attracted to women, finding out that woman you are with was always really a man could be a lot to think about. This is true of any couple in any gender combination. The truth is that sexual orientation is something that is considered by all humans. The problem for transgender people and their partners is that they have to face it again without knowing where it will ultimately end up.

The important thing to know is that transition is about self discovery. Figuring out who we are is part of that journey. No one knows if their sexual orientation will flip until they go through the transition. Maybe it is something that is hard coded within you to be straight and you flip. Maybe you flip but it was always truly there and now you are more comfortable to explore it. There are no rules. Society’s views of how relationships should be are entirely constructed. In reality we are all human. We all think about who we are attracted to. You can’t truly know if you are gay, straight, bisexual or asexual without considering the other options. In the end you are what you are and it is okay to explore it.

Stay safe and keep fighting for all of us!

 

Love and peace,

Mila Madison

  • Alex Regh

    “[…] the ratio of gay, lesbian and bisexual people in the transgender community is exactly proportionate to the rest of society.”

    You live in an interesting place for sure. Because in my experience – and that of about everybody I ever talked about this with – the rate of LGB transpeople is decidedly higher. Not that there is a lot of reliable counting, but estimates usually go like “Half is straight, the other half isn’t” or “A third each: One third straight, one third gay or lesbian, one third something else not willing to make up their minds”.
    Which does not quite sound like “exactly proprotionate to the rest of society”.

    • Jessica

      I have to agree, about 50% queer 50% straight from my observations.

  • Kelly Stephen

    Care to show some actual science that hormones change you sexual preference? Oh, that’s right, you can’t, because there isn’t any.

    I wish people would stop spreading BS about trans people.

    • Beth

      Umm sure. Hormones change how you smell pheromones and the pheromones you produce. I dont have a link to it, but its a fact.

      • vofenn

        Thats not evidence, there is none. HRT does not affect your sexual orientation. There are other stimuli that can help you realize what your orientation actually is and dysphoria can cause you to think you are attracted to someone but truly its just jealousy.

        • Beth

          You cant say it definitely wont happen, because it might. But you also cant say it definitely will happen because it might not. All I was stating is the fact that pheromones might have a small bit of influence in that.

          • vofenn

            The pheromones you produce affect other people, the pheromones that you can detect do change. There are no scientifically proven cases of HRT changing your sexual orientation. You can’t give a lesbian more estrogen to make them Straight, just as you can’t give a straight woman testosterone will not change her sexuality to gay. If being homosexual was dictated by hormones then we would have made a “cure” by now and treat it as a condition rather than an intrinsic personality and physical orientation.

            Saying that “cant say it definitely wont happen” malarky is just a nonsensical statement with no meaning. You can’t say that the third moon on the 5th closest star system has life on it that only consists of Twinkies, just as you can say that there is no discernible way to tell. <—- that statement is JUST as valid as the one you said. Or that a gust of wind may push a paint can off the roof of a building into a van that would eventually splash on Adam Sandlers car which would cause him to be late for a movie.

            This "Sexual orientation can be changed by HRT" statement is dangerous, Its going to disappoint or scare someone away from HRT when its what they need.

    • Bren Benoit

      I think a part of sexual attraction can be how one’s own identity and body relate to the other person’s identity and body. Since I’ve started transitioning (MtF) being with men has a new benefit of reinforcing the fact that I’m different from them, which reduces my gender dysphoric feelings. Before I transitioned, being with a man just felt like way too much maleness, which was exactly what I wanted to get away from.

      On the other hand, being with cis women makes me aware of the ways in which I still have masculine physical characteristics, which increases my gender dysphoria. Maybe my experience doesn’t count as evidence, but I think it points to how one’s body changing can bring about changes to one’s sexual attraction as well.

  • Rachelle Roberson

    excellent article

  • Jackie C.

    When I was much, much younger I liked girls, when I was a teenager I liked girls, as a young man I liked young women, when I was over 55 I liked women. After transitioning at 57, damn 😉 I’m still sexually attracted to women. Life is good.

  • Emma Wilcock

    In my case and maybe others the oppression of society had an impact upon me exploring my sexual orientation. It isnt hormones that have ultimately allowed me to find out the beauty in other people but the shifting (an ongoing process here) of societal oppression. Today i can a be me as i freely wish and thats a big box of chocolates. Being my true self is like starting again for sure and this is my journey dictated by my inner feelings. Hormones have helped me to feel physically more right in myself as well i have to say and the development of a new exo me i do find pleasant and not a little fun.

  • Sahra Rae Taylor

    hmmm…. all the stats I have encountered have indicated that LGB is more highly represented in the trans population than the cis population.

    My perception of this was that we have to re-think in fundamental ways what sexuality means and how we now connect to it.

    Also, since the stats for LGB (and T) in the cis population has being going up year on year for the last 10 or so, this means that sexuality has a certain level of ‘these things are more accepted so more people are having the opportunity to discover for themselve, rather than be told by other, what sexuality they are’